I. Broke Down on the Road to Infictive
In the summit of a unbearably hot summer things just keep getting fucked up. On your way home from work yesterday your car sputtered and ran out of gas. You coasted off the road and your car joined the ever growing line of abandoned vehicles. People could no longer afford the fifteen dollar a gallon prices. It seems the choices are slim now. You can no longer afford to drive and eat. Hell , even if you didn't eat you still couldn't afford to drive. So...
If you walk to work If you attempt to join Oil for the Loyal If you hitch-hike If you call in sick instead If you seek shelter from the heat in a nearby store If you call the cops for help If you take up a life of stealing and hustling to pay for your gas If you just wait in your car for the gas fairy to show up If you go to the first house you see and just take the place over for yourself If you pray to Jesus to save this sad sad world If you kick and otherwise damage your car in a rage If you stand beside the road with a will work for gas sign If you Rage against the machine If you sit like Buddha in the center of the road If you head over to the library to start a website called My penis.com If you attempt to invent a different fuel supply If you walk to the west side of the forest If you get that tuna fish and cult spread sandwich out of your cooler and eat it You live in a co-op If you hang out in your starved car and play Kyle Deerbone CD's until your battery dies If you desire a glimpse of a blue light special future If you attempt in invoke the meth Demon If you befriend the dollar bills If you attempt to create a new flavour of Bottles of Food If you join The Leaf of the Mason, a branch of the SOSM If you begin doing research on the Great Alarm If you get involved with the Uglavarian activist movement Bulbs Not Bombs If the nesting and mating instinct takes over If you go to the library and sign on as a member of frequency 23 If you give up all your material possessions to study Dildo Mask battle meta-martial arts
II. Later Days in Infictive
A government agent e-mails your site If you are placed on a pirate ship "American Airlines" sends you confirmation for a ticket never ordered, to a place you'd never go, and you think you've been reactivated... You win a Strayhound bus ride to Bubbling Vomit Land If you get a job at the airport and clean up your drug use When you realize you can't smoke weed in Uglavaria you decide to retire to Lake Crump. A hick up in the reality mainframe makes you a Mollkin If you go to the local arcade and bet the rest of your life savings Move to Santa Magic Village to start a band You go into hiding in Ketjack You work for Brenico You are hired on a rich persons yaught trip as a gopher If you are thrown into a massive zombie outbreak If you use your free billiard skills that your dad paid for Wik your Path to adventure You are the Soda Man If you are a Questing Knight A long prison term for you Theres no place like...home You become a martial arts knight, a member of The Cougar's Paw You tremble in a bloody hell If you construct your own boat to get in Uglavaria in Are they...Dead? You try out stand up comedy If you are now Andrew McFing Its lunch time in your new reality You become a painter If you start disguising yourself as a mall security person If you get with the local Italian mafia If you go to the downstairs "Forbidden Books" section
III. The Short and Special Paths
You get into movies You work in a manufacturing factory outside a colonial city 5 hours a day New reincarnation If you drive over to the nearby church If the gas fairy sends you into a porno world If you get with your buddy and start out selling just enough weed You start a group called the Sisterhood of Man Form a hate group for the love of Jesus If you do experiments on animals for kicks If you are biten by a werewolf You shoot a movie There is a zombie outbreak in our city You are in the band Red Mullet Traid You are Fexton Huffle If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C. You and Pickman quit Miskatonic university and go back to Santa Magic Village to join they're government funded Orchestra Maggie ends up in a womens prison More of that Preformance art O K? If you go to the Viking Faire restaurant From here the world becomes just sounds to you You are a wandering drifter You flux in reality traps you in Mystery X's dreamscape If you end up in a ecological disaster You now are a insane killer Here's your new world Its lunch time in your new reality If you end up on a dinosaur planet If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C. So you never really make it to Wonderland An American Civil war
IV. The Über Short and Obscure Paths
You become a police man You become a writer Prison Break You are only avant garde composer in Washington A C You find out about the A C Mafia Lots of U F O sightings lately Dead hands pound the door You come back as Pony Rose Take all your drugs and cross on over If you become,a actor If you jab the bouncer in the throat So you never really make it to Wonderland Pick a fight with an audience member, kill the person, and show everyone who's the boss But then to make matters worse you reincarnate into a same time span life in bubbling Vomit Land If you are in a alternative world's version of WW2 You give the ticket away at work You change your name and start working on a broadway musical You become a boxer You form a heavy avant garde group If you are now a sword wielding barbarian from a fantasy world If you continue stealing You get a job at the cryogenics lab You are one of those Catholic boys You are a driver in a Destruction Derby! You are told not to ask for any more gigs You start shooting movies for the drive in crowd If you keep on talking to the penguin You join the Harney County Orchestra You try to hitchike home Move to Harney County to be a musical number there
V. The Musical Paths
You end up playing guitar in the punk band VomitBot Start up a new band then vowing to be cooler and vaster then the circle You are only avant garde composer in Washington A C You have a band You come back as Pony Rose You and Pickman quit Miskatonic university and go back to Santa Magic Village to join they're government funded Orchestra Take all your drugs and cross on over You buy a sax and start your own mutant jazz band If you are transformed into a rock star of a alternative world If you get into music You go back home to form a band named The Sirens of Salt If you attempt to join the band Black Circle If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C. You try to join the Engine Revvers You meet this guy who could be your twin, and he plays keyboards! So you never really make it to Wonderland But then to make matters worse you reincarnate into a same time span life in bubbling Vomit Land For you are Reino Nikola, yes the Reino Nikola If you and Mcfing start a band If you attack the police in a suicidal fury If you give up on your research out of fear and move to infictive country to join a band But your band breaks up You join the Mackabee 6, a McFing6 cover band You meet some travaling Musicians and you join their band You are in the band Ignatz Wanders You depart rapidly to start a stage show in a far off county You form a band out of Verigone rejects You are a musician You form a band to pass time So you never really make it to Wonderland
VI. Son of the Über Obscure Paths
You get a job as a lab assistant First you encounter a MaMooska You join the underground band FUCK If you wish to become a Master of Bowlbetterology If you are now a character in a H. P. Lovecraft book If you end up in the land of the Lost! Join the prison satan rock band Shaven Hoof If you inheret money from your rich uncle If you are transformed into a rock star of a alternative world You spend every penny you made financing a mutant jazz outfit If you start up an internet book store Theres a zombie outbreak in Infictive County You go to the old cabin your uncle owned If you are sent to the far future If you watch the TV between naps If it's a alternatie reality version of REM Faire The Reino Nikola Orchestra is formed If you now gain mutant super powers in a comic bookish alternative reality Big Brother is Watching You If you become the Super Hero MegaYou If you end up being the boss of a casino You go on a space mission If you encounter Bigfoot Go to training to learn two words: Mui-Thai You depart rapidly to start a stage show in a far off county A insane killer stalks Alfredo Valley Its a Holiday on the other side You go on as a gonzo journalist You head out to the mexican badlands searching for treasure You go to Uglavaria
VII. The other last chart ever of paths
Endless Rooms Next life one The End Infictive County in Prehistoric times Next life two He End You get selected to be on a Maximum reality show Nd You take a hit of Mad 3 If you study to be a doctor with the OFTL money He E E End End Your Hollerin' Jack Johnson The He En Next life three If you are transported to the old west Th E En The En E E The E You are a quack, a total kook You enlist in the anti squirrel termination team HE EnD Now its time for your court hearing sucka THe EnD He En
VII. The next last chart ever of paths
ThE EnD E end You take up drinking as your occupation You attend a Catholic Mass THE end You go to Unruh Manor E War of the holiday cults TheEnd Become involved with a cult You begin to learn about the New World Order The end He end TheEn Your Tom Biscuit The ENd You wake up in your next life Blast off You have been a student at Fnordham University for three months now You black out You leave the secular life behind for thirty years of devotion to harsh Ordeals in the sewers, becoming one with the waste and disease of civilization End The Narrative You start to come down You quit your job to sack grocerys at wallmart So you try to go cooler vaster Start a noise band because that's all that is left for you The Ehd The End. You wake up early Sunday
Way beyond the last and final chart
ThE End Hole up in creepy town till this all settles down Deep in the forest you are now. Just you and a half crazy shaman Th.e End. \the End Invite the nun to meet you in the Men's room, third stall Th.e End. THe END Return to the Cave None of the above [[Then things get better ]]
You are a Crunk Master If you transported to ancient rome
Post Notes
This is a online version of a Pick Your Path to Adventure book. It is here for kicks, or to educate, or to provoke terror, or some reason like that. Infictive recommends that you follow one of the above paths till the path ends each day as a sort of a western Zen exorcise.
Dice Machine kicking around if you need one (or maybe a 1-30 random generator if more your thing). Heck, just use your mind to randomize, or carefully pick the places the story unfolds into.
See you on the path!
