Category:OFTL

A

• A clear victory follows, but for who?
• A limo pulls into your drive the next morning
• A message from the emergency broadcasting system
• A Mollkin House
• A power out age midway through the movie
• A special on Hurricaine Killtrina
• All this comes true
• And after that it's
• And Yes you got the job
• Another commercial is up
• Attempt to bust out a window and escape
• Attempt to hack your way to the top

B

• Barge into a different office
• Brew some more coffee and go to the snack machine down the hall for something to eat
• Buy a massive home entertainment system
• Buy something cool

C

• Call up your friends to brag
• Call up your sometimes fuck buddy Carla inviting her to a nude read aloud session
• Catch some gender neutral porn
• Catch this show every week at this time
• CHANGE the channel
• Chat with the man in front of you while waiting
• Check out The McFing Reader
• Check out the yesto-year channel
• Claim that you're with the FBI
• Claim you accidentally walked into the wrong office
• Click here
• Climb and building and attempt to fly, either you fly, the birds save you, or that's it!
• Continue surfing for things to watch
• Cruise the web a bit then

D

• Do a racist peace to smooth up to the white hater's culture

E

• Explain that you work here and you discovered bodies

F

• F you head over to the library to start a website called My penis.com
• Faint like the coward you be
• Find a phone to call the cops with
• First day pushing the broom

G

• Go ahead and watch it
• Go for a piss then see what else is on
• Go home and watch some TV
• Go home and watch the telly
• Go pay per view of the OFTL's dime

H

• Hand penis self action time
• Hide among the pile

I

• If a deadly flame war erupts, plunging America into cival war
• If a ugly scene happens next
• If all this makes you want to go score some drugs so you can cope
• If ask for a Oil Warrior job
• If decide to try more dangerous chair stunts
• If its the news
• If look for a girl to ride in the side car
• If normal programming is interupted for special coverage of a major news event
• If not
• If now are to do odd job, really odd jobs for the Great OFTL
• If Sigall notices and fucks with you
• If the hippiebating continues
• If they catch you that day
• If they throw away your app
• If unsure of the situation, you page the boss using the securitary's phone
• If you apply for a assassin position
• If you apply for a Narc Position
• If you approach a group of parking lot crows with a extra large order of frys
• If you are attacked by demons
• If you are booted before you can even send an insulting message
• If you are going for a exec position
• If you are now unhinged in the multi-verse and unstuck in the fabric of reality
• If you are to harrass Micheal Moore
• If you assume the boss is out of the building and you goof off and fuck around

I cont.

• If you attempt a controlled detonation of the building
• If you attempt a suicide bombing by taking the whole building down with you inside it
• If you attempt to become a human agent of the Volery of Birds
• If you attempt to join Oil for the Loyal
• If you attempt to seduce some securitarys
• If you attempt to steal a car
• If you attempt to steal the moped with the side-car
• If you bable about dead bodys
• If you barge into someone else's office
• If you begin hunting hunters to avenge the birds
• If you bring it all down while on lunch break
• If you bring the thing down during a tour by Gerald Ellon
• If you call up the TV station to complain about the programming
• If you catch a quick nap is this peaceful dimension
• If you caustiously walk around the bulding, peering into the windows
• If you change over to something else
• If you channel down
• If you channel up
• If you channel up 23 times
• If you check out "FUCK ALL ORGANIZED RELIGIONS, Volume Three"
• If you check out "THE BISCUITS COOK BOOK"
• If you check out "The BLACKOUT Papers"
• If you check out GETTING MY SHIT BACK, THE BIOGRAPHY OF ANDREW MCFING
• If you check out local UHF stations
• If you check out the local UHF micro-stations
• If you claim to be a pacifist , outside the job
• If you claim to have killed many people before
• If you continue to search the office
• If you continue trolling the neo-neo flower children
• If you continue watching
• If you decide that your boss must die
• If you decide to throw yourself in front of a oncoming car cage
• If you do a crow dance in the parking lot
• If you do a piece of how all french people are commie cocksuckers
• If you do a piece on the SOSM reveiling how vile and anti-america they are
• If you do an live newcast interview trying to make yourself out as a hero
• If you drift on to the shining abyss
• If you encounter a entity
• If you explore your new office in detail
• If you fall asleep and wake up two thirds into the film
• If you find a body to possess so you can return to the world
• If you find some other forum to troll
• If you first pubically predict the day it's going down then claim your pychic
• If you flee the building
• If you flip the channel
• If you flip the channel two times forward three times back
• If you flip the up and down buttons many times at random with your eyes closed
• If you flip to a random channal while reciting the national anthum backwards
• If you follow the long blood smear
• If you fuck around and cause mischief
• If you get a call a few days later from OFTL
• If you get called for an interview
• If you get completely smashed on the vodka
• If you get drunk and high and watch the show
• If you get fucked up first then read it
• If you get out before you are caught
• If you give up and walk out
• If you glide down the hallways with you high dollar rolling office chair
• If you go back to your office
• If you go for a pay per view channel
• If you go home and cook the apple spice biscuits
• If you go into your private bathroom for a vomit
• If you go outside for a walk
• If you go porn surfing
• If you go to a friend's computer to sign on as Peach Love
• If you go to hollywood to audition for the sequal:Eye of Gibbious Horror
• If you go to the library after "work"

I cont.

• If you go to the library to check out an Andrew McFing book
• If you go to the movie theater to spend your last cash on a film
• If you go to the nearest phone to call the cops
• If you hack the computer system while smoking and drinking
• If you hack the employment files from the internet to get them to think you already work for em
• If you have a bomb in your briefcase
• If you head to the grocery store and then to the alley to try easey prep homeless buscuits
• If you hold still with your hands in the air
• If you ignore the no smokeing sign and light up a cigerette
• If you infiltrate to bring it down
• If you keep on waiting in line
• If you knock over a security delivering coffee to the boss
• If you leave a death threat in the desk as a joke
• If you lie lie lie
• If you listen to a local radio station
• If you log off and watch some television
• If you look for something you can use as a weapon
• If you love the Motley Howe show
• If you mail the local news station your manifesto first
• If you movie scares the fuck out of you
• If you must prove yourself at a open jam
• If you must suck a little cock if you want the taste of sucess
• If you offer sexual favors in exchange for the assassin job
• If you panic and run around in a circle yelling Ohmygodohmy god
• If you pass out of the couch on your office
• If you piss on the desk for evil kicks
• If you post u-tube vids of your genitalias to the site
• If you press the down channel option
• If you press the up channel option
• If you rage against the office
• If you randomly select a channel while reciting the Lord's Prayer backward
• If you run in to play hero
• If you run out of the place
• If you run to the nearest police substation, some three miles north
• If you run up and kick the TV screen in
• If you say you are open to anything
• If you say you will go out into the waiting room and waste someone to prove you can do it
• If you scan the back of it for looking for future events
• If you scream in horror
• If you search the office
• If you set to your first day of work
• If you settle down for a watch
• If you shop for a Poldakian bride
• If you shop for books on amazon.com
• If you skip over to the EitherZone chat room
• If you sneak around trying to find out why it's so quiet
• If you spend the day chatting on your cell phone and staring out the window
• If you spin around three times with your eyes closed and pick a random McFing volume
• If you start a flame war on a internet forum
• If you stay through the commercials
• If you strumm the guitar and play Right Wing Folk Music
• If you study your retirement plan
• If you switch office door numbers and swear up and down this is your office and it has been for years
• If you switch over to the local channels for some truly awfull crap to watch
• If you toss the empty bottle through the window of your 5th story office
• If you troll the Vegetable Rights forum
• If you try to bum rush through them and keep on running
• If you try to call the number listed on the bottem of the screen as McFing answers viewer calls
• If you try to get discovered as a new musical sensation
• If you try to get onto the live caller line and talk to Pope Simpson
• If you try to kill her to shut her up
• If you turn off the TV
• If you use this as an opportunity to try to get a date
• If you video shows up on a news segment and you are not given credit
• If you wait till late at night, so only the cleaning crew will be killed
• If you wander thru the void